Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Duchess Quagmire

Duchess Quagmire is my most favorite sim from The Sims 2 and the light of Goopy GilsCarbo's fire.

Let's start with her life's story.

Duchess Quagmire was born to Natasha Quagmire and T.V.'s Adam West in 2006. Her mother never married and never woohooed, so she was a virgin birth. (I impregnated her with Mr. West's baby using boolprop. Natasha did not want to sacrifice her virginity to continue the legacy, so I had to do something, lol).
She is the great granddaughter of Glen Quagmire and granddaughter of Dolores Quagmire, Glen's daughter.

Duchess showed a great fascination with "Alice in Wonderland" from her childhood. She wanted to grow up to be just like The Duchess, a character from the first Alice book, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. She looked like Adam West as a child and teen. When she returned home from college, she got plastic surgery to look more like The Duchess.

She met Goopy GilsCarbo, and one thing lead to another. They were clearly soulmates. They became wed and had twins, a girl named Alice and a boy named Pig. Alice grew into a wonderfully demented young women. Duchess always favored Alice over Pig, sadly. Alice gave birth to Talullah Quagmire, Duchess' granddaughter. Talullah liked to dress up in full face makeup like the makeup Billy the Puppet from "Saw" wore. She grew up and gave birth to Pinocchiohontas, Duchess' great granddaughter. Besides her (Duchess') normal sim life, she is also an extremely successful career woman and has gone on a series of outlandish escapades.

Duchess is everything any simmer could ever want! She has culture, class, high intelligence, artistic brilliance, amazingly psychotic dementia, and beauty like no other! Her talent, intelligence, dementia, and beauty is of such vast magnitude that it far surpases all other sims and threatens to throw off the balance of time and space. Meet Duchess!

She is a very talented music artist!

Duchess' first music gig as DJ Pennywise at the local dance club.

She's also a woohoo symbol!

Duchess on the latest cover of the magazine PlaySim.

She is also an amazing actress!

Some of Duchess' best movies.

Duchess from her version of Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" video.

I have also written a poem about Duchess from Goopy's perspective entitled "Ode to Duchess".

Oh Duchess, lady of mental instability
Your psychotic laughter can be heard by the Viennese
I will tell the BBSers of you to the best of my ability
Your beauty is like a fatal disease
It outshines even the most Rubenesque of sims
Inferior sims quake at the very sight of you
Because your nice physique makes them wanna hit the gyms

Goopy, your loving husband, thinks of you day and night,
Your twisted smile and your scary eyes are my aphrodesiac
Your unparalleled dementia makes me lick my lips at the sight
My heart burns for you, so come on into my Cadillac
So, please, take me in your arms and hold me tight
Let's stay in love forevermore, even if your haters attack

We will never forget the name Duchess Quagmire. She will continue to be a sim icon for many generations to come.

I have also modified a famous quote from William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet to be said from Goopy's perspective.

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Duchess is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious sims,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her llama art far more fair than she:
Be not her llama, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!

Hey there, gorgeous!

She speaks:
O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art
As glorious to this night, being o'er my head
As is a winged messenger of heaven
Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes
Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him
When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds
And sails upon the bosom of the air.

You might be thinking...Who the fudge is Duchess and why is hag1TSOTSO treating her like some sort of superstar or demigoddess? I just like to be bombastic with her, that's all. lol I remade Duchess in The Sism 3, though the game forced me to make her look less freaky and less ugly due to slider limitations.

Here's her Sims 3 version:


If you want to download her, click the below link:

1 comment:

  1. That has to be the creepiest sim I have ever seen!